Posts Tagged → porn
Virtual Sex
My ex-housemate has a not-quite-legitimate copy of an Eastern-European sex game for Playstation, entitled Virtual Sex. The object of this game is to bring four women to orgasm by stimulating different erogenous zones in different ways, keeping up a steady pace while ensuring you don’t rush too far ahead. No one likes having who-knows-what crammed in their hoo-ha right off the bat, not even heavily pixelated pre-Soviet-Union-collapse slappers. While this is a reasonable simulation of sex, albeit a rather lo-fi one, the true game comes in getting this poorly-pirated piece of programming up and running.
As any self-respecting ‘naughties gamer with a ‘chipped’ Playstation will know, getting imported games (usually the most violent, sexed up and offensive ie fun ones, banned in little old Aus) going is a veritable game in itself.
First of all, you need to get ‘her’ in ‘the mood’ to spin the disc. This is easily done by putting in a regular Playstation disc and starting the console up, so it thinks you’re just having another bash at Gran Turismo. Once ‘she’ has slipped into this false sense of security you ‘pop the hood’, just as the PS logo appears and you hear that ‘swooshtinklebling’ sound bite. Virtual Sex in one hand (no pun intended), one deftly grabs the still spinning legit game and pulls the switcheroo. If you’ve timed this just right, the Playstation picks up where it left off and bam, you’re in a veritable harem of digital booty. Chances are, you haven’t timed it right, and suddenly you find yourself in a complex mating ritual of swapping spinning discs back and forth like the geeky Casanova you are, carefully timing your moves with the precise sights and sounds of a whirring piece of confused hardware.
So just like sex then, really.